


I can't believe Nozomi dies

by koi-no-signal-zin-zin-zin (Zinthezinner)



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Multi, Polyamory, everyone is polyamorous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-02 18:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15801873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinthezinner/pseuds/koi-no-signal-zin-zin-zin
Summary: µ's is supposed to have nine members, no more, no fewer. It feels wrong with 8, and it sure as heck doesn't feel like the party it should be.





	1. The News

Hanayo isn’t particularly busy when her phone buzzes with a message from the group chat. She’s on her bed listening to some of her very favourite idol music. She flicks open the messages, and it’s from Kotori.

“Please come to the café right now. I need to give you some news.”

That’s a very serious tone. Kotori isn’t usually this stiff. At all.  
Something’s wrong.  
It’s time to panic.

 _What if she’s quitting µ's? What if she’s injured? What if she’s leaving the city, or even the country? What if she changed her mind and_ is _going to the fashion boarding school? What if her parents have cancer? What if_ she _has cancer?  
Oh dear. Oh no._

Hanayo dresses in a hurry. She’d already changed into her pyjamas for the evening, so she isn’t ready to go. Warm leggings, big long-sleeved t-shirt, cute jumper, coat, beanie, and boots.

On her way out she tells her grandparents to tell her parents that she’s going out for dessert with µ's, and that she’ll be in touch.

She starts the long, cold walk to the café looking at her phone, seeing the group’s reactions to Kotori’s message.

“Is it good news or bad news? Is something wrong?”  
“You can just tell us here, Kotori”  
“I’m kinda worried, but any excuse for sweets, right?”  
“I… I don’t like this. I’ll be there soon. Anyone need picking up?”  
“Maki’s right, this feels weird. Kotori, are you ok?”

She looks up to cross the road, and once she’s across she checks again. Too many messages, and none of them Kotori’s responses. She scrolls further up, to the discussion about her own upcoming birthday party. It’s a big tone switch that Kotori has flipped.

She inhales deeply, and exhales a tiny cloud into the freezing air. She’s already tiring, and she’s just over halfway there. She usually manages just fine, what with all the idol training and dancing she does.

* * *

It feels… different… at the café. She arrives at the same time as Rin and sees that most of the gang is already there with Kotori. They’ve pushed several tables together, and she and Rin take seats. Eli walks in and Honoka waves her over.

Kotori clears her throat.

“We should wait until Nozomi gets here, Kotori,” says Umi.

Kotori looks into her lap and sighs.“That’s actually what I wanted to talk about.”

Hanayo notices that Kotori is getting choked up, and squeezes Rin’s hand to stop her from interrupting.

“You see, Nozomi is – she’s. She’s, well, she uh. Nozomi is dead” says Kotori, bursting into tears immediately after she gets it out.

_No way. It can’t be._

Hanayo looks around to see the faces of her best friends and girlfriends, and it’s possibly the **most** terrifying thing she's ever witnessed firsthand. Some faces are in shock, others are on the verge of tears. Nico is holding Kotori as she cries, mumbling what Hanayo assumes to be an attempt at words of comfort. Eli’s head is on Umi’s shoulder. Honoka is wailing. Maki’s staring at nothing and breathing rapidly. Hanayo looks down and sees Rin clinging to her and sobbing.

Kotori doesn’t play jokes like this, and she’s only seen Eli cry twice, so this really is serious.  
This is for real.

She feels the warm tears streaming down her cool face. She blinks and wipes her eyes, and sees that Kotori is doing the same across the table. She pats Rin’s hair, guiding her to look up as Kotori prepares to speak again. Her chest tightens.  
It’s time to listen.

“My mum told me. She got a call from the police because Nozomi’s a student. She says it was an accident. She- She says Nozomi got hit by a car on her way back from the shops.”

Hanayo’s head is whirling with clips of what it might’ve looked like. Someone’s saying something, but she can’t hear it over her thoughts. She can just picture it: Nozomi’s crossing the road by the convenience store, and there’s a car, and the car’s not slowing down, and Nozomi doesn’t even realize until it’s too late, and it hits her and knocks her back and runs over her and she crunches and squelches and oh god. Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god.

The scene happens again and again from different angles in Hanayo’s mind. Nozomi’s point of view. Driver’s point of view. Bystander’s point of view. Bird’s eye view. Left, right, front, back. She can’t stop hearing the thud. She wants to warn Nozomi, she wants to save her, but she can't. She wasn't there.

She thinks back to her own walk here, how she could’ve easily been hit on the way even though she did look up from her phone to cross the roads.

She can feel a squeezing suddenly. It’s Honoka and Rin teaming up and hugging her around her fat midsection. Their foreheads are together on her chest and they’re holding hands around her.

Kotori’s finishing off the milkshake she must’ve ordered before they arrived. Oh dear, the waiters must be so concerned. They should order some more. Umi must’ve noticed this too, because she can hear her ordering 4 strawberry milkshakes, 5 cheesecakes, and 3 chocolate milkshakes. Maki’s still staring, but she nods, which probably means she’s fine with paying. This is not a normal way to order. Everything feels so… desperate.

Rin and Honoka sit up, prompting a fresh stream of tears and weak sobbing from Hanayo. Honoka wipes her nose on her sleeve (gross). Everyone tries to calm down and look decent. They are in public, after all.

She alternates between complete mental static and picturing Nozomi dying.

Nobody’s talking, but she can hear shaky breaths and small sobs coming less and less frequently as they wait for the food and drink to arrive, like the last pops of popcorn.

Hanayo can barely taste the cheesecake and strawberry milkshake set before her. She pokes at the cheesecake with her fork, taking long breaks between bites and longer breaks between sips of her drink. She stares down at the table and feels her eyes twitching.

“I’m sorry,” slips out of Kotori’s lips.

On one hand, it’s not Kotori’s fault, and Hanayo feels bad. On the other hand, Hanayo’s not going to be able to sleep tonight, and it’s a school night. She could’ve waited until tomorrow. But that’s not fair either, because Kotori sounds like she really needed to get it out, _and we should help her._

Nico stands up, announcing that she has to go look after her siblings. Maki offers to have her driver drop everyone home. It’s too late to walk home safely, and catching a bus could also be creepy, so µ's agrees( if you can still call the group µ's).

It's gonna be a rough night.


	2. Going Home

Honoka and Kotori are the first to get off at Honoka’s house, because Honoka doesn’t want to be alone. Hanayo’s house is next, but…

“Maki?”  
“Yes?”  
“Is it alright if I stay with you?”  
“Kayo-chin, I wanted to stay with you! I want to come too. Please?”  
“… … …fine. Anyone else want to come to my place?”  
“I’d rather be on my own for a bit”  
“I have some work to do”  
“I already said I had to take care of my siblings, idiot”  
“I didn’t mean you, Nico”

On the way to Umi’s, Hanayo texts her parents that she’d like to stay over at a friend’s for the night.

“Are you ok sweetie? Grandpa said you looked worried. Are you sure you don’t want to come home?”

Is she OK? No. Is she sure? Also no. 

“I’m sure, mum. I’ll be at Maki’s. She’ll drop me at school tomorrow morning too, so you don’t have to worry.”  
“Ok darling. Have fun!”

Hanayo knows she won’t have fun. Now isn’t the time for fun, not really. 

Eli’s house is next, and Hanayo hugs her partner tightly when she’s out of the car. The lanky blonde falls into her embrace and cries. Hanayo can feel Eli’s huge hiccough-like sobs. Nico steps out of the car and joins the hug, followed by Rin hopping out of the car and bounding into the hug, squeezing.

Maki seems deeply uncomfortable in the car, but she makes no move to come out.

“Eli-san, are you sure you’re ok on your own?”

Eli’s burying her head even further into Hanayo’s shoulder, and she adjusts her arm to accommodate her, but Eli pulls out of their embrace and lets out a shaky sigh. 

“I need to be alone for a little while. I’m fine. I’ll be fine”  
“Please take care of yourself. We don’t want to lose two.”  
“Please don’t - don’t even joke about that”

Hanayo knows it wasn’t a joke, and she knows that Rin knows it too, deep down. She can’t even imagine what it must be like for Eli if it’s this painful for her. All those hours in the student council together…

Hanayo and Rin pick Nico up suddenly, bringing her to Eli’s height so that they can kiss. They do. A short one, an embarrassing one, but a kiss nonetheless. 

Nico’s a blushing mess and she heads right back to the car. Eli turns her back on them and enters her home. 

Nico’s stop passes without incident. Nico just gets out and walks into the building wordlessly. No nico nico nii, no hugs, no kisses, nothing. She’s probably far too overwhelmed.

The ride to Maki’s is too quiet for Rin. Hanayo doesn’t have it in her to respond to anything yet, though, and she can’t even process what she’s saying. She only notices that they’ve arrived when Maki touches her arm to get her to exit the car.

* * *

Once they’re all in Maki’s room Rin flops onto the bed, and Hanayo and Maki hesitantly follow suit. They lie there together, Rin by the pillow, Hanayo in the middle, and Maki at the end of the queen-size bed.

It feels good to be lying down, and it feels good to be flanked by her girlfriends, feels good to hear the rain that they narrowly missed fall on the roof, but it doesn’t actually. Nothing feels good, just less awful by a minuscule amount of whatever it is emotions are measured in.

Rin rolls over into Hanayo and clutches at her for comfort, so she puts her right arm around the lean, muscular frame. So strong, yet so fragile.

What feels like minutes later, Maki finds Hanayo’s left hand and holds it. She gives Maki’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

In this manner, an eternity passes. The present becomes the past, becomes the distant past, becomes the beginning. The present becomes the end. Aeons come and go as the three stare at the ceiling in Maki’s room.

Out of the darkness of their eyes comes a voice.

“You’re not stone-hearted, Maki. I know this hit hard, but you haven’t cried once since finding out. I’d admire it but for the fact that something’s off. You can tell us.”

Hanayo realizes that it’s her voice that spoke.

“I can’t tell you guys because I don’t know. I feel bad that I can’t even cry here. I can panic, but I can’t cry. I’m sorry. I don’t know”  
“Did something happen before..?”  
“Just school and piano, as usual. It’s nothing.”

Hanayo slowly sits up on the bed and she reaches for Maki. Maki glares, but only squirms a little when she’s pulled into a sitting position in Hanayo’s lap.The redhead isn’t facing her this time, so it’s easier to ask.

“Did something happen before..?”

No words. Maki crosses her arms and shifts, but then uncrosses them guiltily.

“Her name - Her name was Shika.”

Doesn’t ring a bell for Hanayo, and it doesn’t seem like it rings one for Rin either. Then again, they didn’t know each other until highschool, maybe she’s talking about before they met?

“She was in the same year as me in primary school. She wasn’t the smartest, but she really did try, which I admired. I was too shy to talk to her. I’m pretty confident she knew anyway, I was just being a coward about it. We understood. We were friends, in a sense.”

Ah, so it was from before they met.

Thinking about the potential relevance of this story, a pit forms in Hanayo’s stomach.

“I saw her one day on my way home from school, being loaded into an ambulance on the street. Her legs were all wrong, and she was covered in red. I only saw it for a moment, but Shika’s face had this horrible pained expression. We passed her by.”

Hanayo feels Maki take a deep, shaky breath. 

“The next day at school, my suspicions were confirmed. She was in my own family’s hospital, fighting for her life. Our class prayed for her and we all wrote her a get well soon card. As the class president I was to deliver it, or failing that have my parents deliver it, as they did work in the hospital. My parents let me deliver it with them, because it was nothing I hadn’t seen before, at least theoretically.”

Hanayo worries that maybe Maki had seen this kid die. That’d be so awful!

“She wasn’t awake when I was there. Thinking back on it, she was probably in an induced coma or something. She was covered in casts, had a drip in, had a bunch of machines connected to her and everything. It was hard to see someone I saw almost every day at school in such a state.”

Maki leans her head on Hanayo’s shoulder.

“Shika died a few days later. I wasn’t invited to the funeral, of course. Nobody knew.”

**Author's Note:**

> I cried writing this.


End file.
